Wingnuts On Parade

Both of my picks on Thanksgiving were winners, making me 35-49, down 13.1 units. I'm going to try another Hail Mary, in the form of a five-team parlay. To recap:  these are not individual bets, but one bet where they all have to hit to pay 20-1. If any or all of them lose, it's just one loss. Here we go.

Cincinnati -7 vs. Cleveland

Houston -4 at Jacksonville

Carolina -3 at Indianapolis

Atlanta -9 vs. Minnesota

Pittsburgh -10 at Kansas City

Both of my exotics lost last week, but my straight bets were 4-1, making my season record 33-49, -16.7 units. I have one NFL pick for Thursday, and a college parlay.

Miami +7 at Dallas

Texas +8.5 at Texas A&M, AND under 53.5 points total.

I stink. Last week's 2-4 record leaves me at 29-46, down 17.6 units. Writeups are suspended until I start winning.

Oakland +1.5 at Minnesota

Seattle at St. Louis under 39.5 points

Chicago -3.5 vs. San Diego

Philadelphia at New York Giants over 45.5 points

New England -14.5 vs. Kansas City

Two exotics this week:

Green Bay -14 vs. Tampa Bay AND over 48.5 points. Pays 2.6 units if both happen, loses 1 unit if either loses.

And a three-team teaser:

Buffalo +8 at Miami

Oakland +7.5

Dallas -1.5 at Washington

Disaster. No, wait, what's worse than disaster? Oh yeah, my picks last week. Because only three of my six teaser legs won, that means only one of the twenty possible combinations won. So I went from 26-23, up 1.9 units, to 27-42, down 15.3 units. Jesus Tapdancing Christ.

I will not climb out of this hole. But there's no actual money on these picks, so I'll keep making them. I will even tack on exactly one three-team teaser.

Cincinnati +4 vs. Pittsburgh:  Again, I must be out of my mind, but we'll know whether the Bengals are as good as their 6-2 record would indicate.

Houston -3 at Tampa Bay:  The Bucs are not really very good. Their playoff appearance last year seems like a distant memory now. The Texans, formerly known for a wide-open passing attack, now lead the league in rushing. They play defense now, as well.

Carolina -3 vs. Tennessee:  The Panthers are much, much better than their record. The Titans are worse. Next.

Detroit +3 at Chicago:  The Lions are eager to make a statement and put a serious crimp in the Bears' wild-card hopes.

Baltimore at Seattle under 41 points:  The Ravens could be a little flat here after their big win in Pittsburgh last week. But Seattle won't make an offensive impression on the Baltimore defense. I'll avoid the side and just take the under.

Here's the teaser legs:

Detroit +8.5

St. Louis +8.5 at Cleveland

New England +8.5 at New York Jets

Seizing an opportunity on Wednesday, while the lines are available. I am taking a shot at the myriad teaser opportunities available right now. Each possible three-team combination of the games below is a separate bet that pays 1.8 to 1. There are 20 combinations, so the range of possible outcomes runs from the thrill of victory to the agony of defeat. As usual, I'll keep all the math straight. There may or may not be additional straight picks later in the week. Here are the teaser legs.

New Orleans -2 vs. Tampa Bay

New York Jets +7.5 at Buffalo

Oakland -2 vs. Denver

Cincinnati +8.5 at Tennessee

New England -2.5 vs. New York Giants

Philadelphia -2 vs. Chicago