Wingnuts On Parade

Cincinnati -3.5 at Cleveland

Seattle -1.5 at Houston

Chicago +3 at Detroit

Kansas City -3.5 vs. New York Giants

New England +2 at Atlanta

Five-team, six-point teaser:

Indianapolis -2.5 at Jacksonville
Houston +8 vs. Seattle
Arizona +8.5 at Tampa Bay
San Diego +8 vs. Dallas
New England +8.5 at Atlanta

St. Louis +3.5 vs. San Francisco

Under 43.5 points total

That's more like it. My straight picks went 3-1, and I hit my teaser, making me 4-1, +6.9 units for the week. My season record now stands at 4-5, +2.5 units. I'm feeling frisky now, so here's a six-pack for this week.

Minnesota -6.5 vs. Cleveland:  The Browns pulled the plug on the season, trading their best offensive player and starting their third-string quarterback. This may work out in the long run, but not this week. They will be fortunate to score.

New England -7 vs. Tampa Bay:  The Bucs may be in more turmoil than the Browns. Their coach apparently hates his QB, and everybody hates him. The Patriots, being the genteel sorts they are, will happily step on their necks.

Detroit at Washington over 48.5 points:  I'm not sure who will win this game, but there is a lot of offensive talent and two defenses that struggle. The number is high, but each of these teams are probably good for 24 points against the other.

Green Bay -2.5 at Cincinnati:  This is probably the marquee matchup of the week, with the Packers' Death Star-like offense against the Bengals' rugged defense. Usually, that means it's the opposite units that decide the outcome. I'll take the Packers defense to make a few more plays than the Bengals offense.

New York Giants +1.5 at Carolina:  Both teams are reeling from mystifying performances to open the season. Just going with the beliefs that the Giants' coaching staff is better-equipped to right the ship.

Chicago at Pittsburgh under 40.5 points:  I'm having trouble seeing how the Steelers score at all, and I don't think the Bears can get to 40 by themselves.

That'll leave a mark. Last week's picks were 0-4-1, -4.4 units. Already staring into the abyss, I will take four more sides, plus an exotic swing at getting back to even.

Chicago -6 vs. Minnesota:  If the Bears can beat the Bengals, they should be able to take the inferior Vikes and stuff them down a laundry chute.

Arizona +2 vs. Detroit:  I strongly suspect the wrong team is favored here. The Lions do not travel well, and the Cards will likely wind up as the best 8-8 team in the league.

Denver -4 at New York Giants:  I feel like such a square taking the Broncos, but they appear to be on a mission. The Giants either implode or win the Super Bowl, and they are a key injury or a couple of more turnovers from the former.

Seattle -2.5 vs. San Francisco:  It would be easy to be wrong about this epic early-season matchup. One of these teams is likely to have the top seed in the NFC playoffs; the other cannot be seeded higher than fifth. It is safe to assume both sides know what is at stake, but I'm going to take the best home-field advantage in the league.

And finally, a five-team, six-point teaser. All of these teams have had their lines adjusted, and they all have to hit. If they do, it pays five to one.

Baltimore -0.5 vs. Cleveland

Atlanta +0.5 vs. St. Louis

Green Bay -1 vs. Washington

Chicago even

Cincinnati -1 vs. Pittsburgh

Time to do this again.

Tampa Bay -3.5 at New York Jets

Cincinnati -3 at Chicago

St. Louis -3.5 vs. Arizona

New York Giants +3.5 at Dallas

Houston -4 at San Diego