Saturday, October 08, 2005
NFL Week 5 Picks
Finally, a winning week, and order has been restored to the universe. Going 4-2 last week brings my season record to 8-13. Perhaps I should make six picks every week instead of five. We'll try it again this week and see how it goes....
Chicago +3 at Cleveland: I have no problem picking a young, inexperienced team on the road when 1) the home team is young and inexperienced too; 2) they have the better running game and defense; 3) they're getting points. That's a trifecta for Da Bears.
Baltimore at Detroit under 33 total: These putrid offenses COULD combine for 33 points...if they played a doubleheader. What's that? There's no doubleheaders in the NFL? Gimme the under, please. Thank you. Amnesty International is investigating reports that Gitmo detainees will be forced to watch this game.
Indianapolis -14.5 at San Francisco: Very possibly the biggest spread of the year, and for good reason. Indy could cover with me at quarterback. The Colts rediscovered their offense last week, and for Niners fans, this could be like watching a snuff flick starring your girlfriend.
Cincinnati +3 at Jacksonville: The Bengals burned me as a heavy favorite last weekend. I don't hold a grudge. Besides, they're getting points in a low-scoring game. Low enough, in fact, that I also like the under 37.5 total.
Tampa Bay -3 at New York Jets: The Jets have the kind of defense that wins Super Bowls. Unfortunately, they have the kind of offense that shouldn't be allowed to wander around alone. They have brought back 42-year-old Vinny Testeverde, and I understand he can still bench-press 400 pounds. Which will come in handy for removing Bucs linemen from his chest.
Chicago +3 at Cleveland: I have no problem picking a young, inexperienced team on the road when 1) the home team is young and inexperienced too; 2) they have the better running game and defense; 3) they're getting points. That's a trifecta for Da Bears.
Baltimore at Detroit under 33 total: These putrid offenses COULD combine for 33 points...if they played a doubleheader. What's that? There's no doubleheaders in the NFL? Gimme the under, please. Thank you. Amnesty International is investigating reports that Gitmo detainees will be forced to watch this game.
Indianapolis -14.5 at San Francisco: Very possibly the biggest spread of the year, and for good reason. Indy could cover with me at quarterback. The Colts rediscovered their offense last week, and for Niners fans, this could be like watching a snuff flick starring your girlfriend.
Cincinnati +3 at Jacksonville: The Bengals burned me as a heavy favorite last weekend. I don't hold a grudge. Besides, they're getting points in a low-scoring game. Low enough, in fact, that I also like the under 37.5 total.
Tampa Bay -3 at New York Jets: The Jets have the kind of defense that wins Super Bowls. Unfortunately, they have the kind of offense that shouldn't be allowed to wander around alone. They have brought back 42-year-old Vinny Testeverde, and I understand he can still bench-press 400 pounds. Which will come in handy for removing Bucs linemen from his chest.
